敘說的動機來自於不甘受困於病痛所帶來的無助感，以及體制文化對男性特質設定的憤怒。我試圖去說自己的故事，由自身病痛觸發與因病過世母親的連結，切身感受母親病時的苦痛，並藉由失落的記憶看見過去的自己。也看見同身為男性的父親，長期受限於他自身的生存處境，以傳統文化的觀點理解他扮演一個父親角色所承受的負擔，最終在這些視野中發現那未曾逝去的羈絆。 This is a story about my mother and I in the begining, and later my father is involed as well. It’s a story about how a bereaved son starts to find himself for feeling of the loneliness caused from his mother’s decease. In the process, the bereaved son gradually finds himself from the broken relation through self narrative and self-understanding; moreover, he realizes the other’s story in this broken relation.
The motivation of narrating is that I am not willing to be trapped by the helpless from my disease, and I also feel angry with the stereotype of masculinity defined by the traditional culture. I try to tell my story. Through my disease, I connect with my mother, who passed away from illness; I can feel my mother’s pain that she suffered from the disease, and I see myself in the past from my lost memories. I also find that my father, as a man like me, is limited from his own living situation for a long time. I try to understand how he feels with the heavy burden on his shoulder when playing the role of father with a viewpoint of traditional culture. In the end, I find out the fetter that never fades away.
