這是一篇關於一個船長女兒的自我敘說論文，文中著重在從小至今與父親相處時的真實情境與心情轉折，包含了自我內心對父親的愛與恨，想靠近卻又隔著時空距離的矛盾情感。從一開始自認為缺乏父愛，想不斷的追尋父愛以彌補心靈上的空缺，到後來生命產生流動，再次體驗生命中和父親相處的時刻，體認到早已存在的父愛與父親對自己的思念，簡單且真摯的情感。 文中透過家庭的情境脈絡和家庭成員的關係結構，娓娓道出一個生長在船員家庭小孩的心情，讓生命故事得以完整呈現。並且歷經敘說的探索後，自我與和父親與家庭成員間相處上的改變，更重要的是對自己的接納與允許，讓自己脫開生命的困境，得以再次讓生命和關係繼續以不同的樣貌開展下去。 論文的呈現方式，是從小時候的記憶開始，對父親、母親、阿嬤和哥哥形象的刻畫，進入到關係中的相處與困境，自我被內心的不公平困住，以致於無法感受到家庭關係中的情感。其中的轉折處在於透過自我敘說，逐漸清明，逐漸看見生命中的風貌，不再陷於自我困境中，並且能感受到關係中存在的情感。 This is the self narrative thesis about a captain''s daughter. The empasis is on the real situation and affection of getting along with father including love and hate to father of self inner world. Feeling like to be close to father but be separated by long distance and space under conflictin affection.At first, I consider that I lacked for father’s love so I keep seeking for father''s love to make up for the hollow of heart. I can relive the every moment of getting along with father and experience the existence of father''s love and miss until my life removes. The affection is simple and sincere. I tell my feeling of growing up in a shipman''s family through the contex of the family and the relation between the family members to present the story completely. After the process of narrative and exploration, it changes between the relation of my father with me and other family members. The more important thing is the acceptance and allowance of myself to free myself from the difficulty of life. Then my life and relation can keep developing in other different ways. The describing way of the thesis is from the memory of childhood and depicts the images of father, mother, grandmother and older brother to get into the difficulty of relation and the unfairness stuck myslf so that I can’t feel the affection of the family relation. The turning point is through self narrative to become clearly and see the life features gradually. The difficulty can’t stick me anymore and I can feel the affection of the family relation.
